Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
