i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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