Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
