Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
