Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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