Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
