My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
