i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
