i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
