you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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