I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
