rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize