Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
