she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
