I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
