His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize