youre lurking in front of me
This girl is more easily done than said...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
