At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
