fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
