your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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