Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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