take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
