2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
