My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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