Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
