If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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