I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What a dumb baby whore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
