Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
