the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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