so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
