Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
