I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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