you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
