Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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