can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He kissed a someone with a penis
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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