No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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