It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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