Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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