I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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