i can't believe i had my finger in that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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