i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
