So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize