How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
