I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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