I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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