The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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