im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ruined the universe
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
