i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
