Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
