You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
