She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I am morally bankrupt
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
