this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
