I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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