I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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