i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
