Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize