Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
