there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Houston, we have a squirter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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