It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
