Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
