He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
