this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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