Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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