Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
