No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
