Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
