Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize