i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
