Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
