i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
