Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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