Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
